Thursday, May 14, 2015

My BDSM ebook Return




I am quite upset right now. Sad really. I’ve spoken to a couple people about this and was glad I was told I wasn’t over reacting. I read a lot of books in my life. MANY. I never review a book I don’t enjoy. No reason to write a bad review. The world is full of negativity. But, for the first time in my life I returned an ebook on Amazon. No, I didn’t read it through. I got to chapter 6 before I just couldn’t go on. I have never returned a book. I tried so hard! I swear I did. Here’s what happened.

I went in knowing it was going to be a rough read. There were warnings. However, it became clear, early on, the author likely does not know how a BDSM relationship works. There are all types. I’m aware. I’m also not talking out my ass.

I have experience in BDSM. I have friends who are in the lifestyle, authors who wrote/write BDSM, I’m friendly with quite a few Dominants and submissives. I participate in the BDSM Blog Hop (as long as I remember to sign up in time) I tell you this so I’m not accused of not knowing what I’m talking about.

When you choose to write BDSM it’s not like choosing a flavor of ice cream. It’s not like choosing to ride the ferris wheel instead of the tilt a whirl. You are entering a world that is more misunderstood every day. When people write BDSM wrong you are putting it in people’s heads that this is what it’s about when in fact it’s the opposite. There’s a difference between punishment and abuse. It’s a fine line and when you cross it, you might as well cut it.

I was seriously heartbroken when I read this book. Insulted, frustrated, and most of all ashamed it was associating itself with this lifestyle.

I’m BEGGING… BEGGING authors, or anyone who decides they want to dip their pen in the BDSM world give it the respect it deserves and do your research. That research will require more than accessing Google. Talk to people who know. Ask questions. Anyone in the lifestyle would rather you ask them then guess.

You do SO MUCH HARM when you write what you THINK is BDSM. You set BDSM back. SO stop. Please. I BEG OF YOU!

3 comments:

  1. Bravo, Mere. Couldn't agree more.

    I would say to anyone reading/writing BDSM, if the idea of considering an LGBT person mentally disordered because of their sexuality/gender identity horrifies you, why is it okay to assume someone in the BDSM lifestyle is psychologically damaged? BDSM is not therapy, and kink is not "caused" by trauma. That's a harmful -- and way too common -- misconception.

    Sorry you got a book that didn't understand that point. Hopefully the next one will be better <3

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Kate. Your advice is spot on!!!

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  2. Great commentary. Sorry the book was my great

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