The Sexual Roles Of Gay Men In MM Fiction
The relationship
between Indie-author and reader is much more personal than those going through
traditional publishing, that’s a fact and cannot be disputed. And as I’ve
mentioned previously in my blog posts, this can lead to very negative behavior
on all sides. For example, I’ve spoken about authors dragging their bad reviews
(and reviewers) through the mud, resulting in a less-than-honest working environment
where people only seek to hear their praises sang rather than face criticism. Likewise,
sometimes readers (with their ability to privately message any indie-author
through Facebook) take it upon themselves to give their opinions in other forms.
This isn’t always constructive, and for the specifics of this posts, it’s uncalled
for and doesn’t make any sense.
As with most
of my posts, this was a subject that was brought to my attention through a
fellow author and then verified by several others upon questioning. I haven’t
yet faced this personally—then again, I haven’t put out half as much work as
the authors that bring these things to my attention. However, I did feel somewhat
personally offended by this particular matter as it plays into my real-life
situation with my fiancé.
So, without
further ado, today’s topic is The Sexual Roles Of Gay Men In MM Fiction, the
twisted expectations of *some* readers, and the culture of people “owing” sex
to their partner.
Let me paint
this picture clearly with a quote – “Character A is vers, but Character B is a
bottom. That’s selfish. Character B should’ve topped Character A at least once
throughout the story to make him happy.”
There’s a
lot to unpack here and I’m not the most structured writer, so I’m going to try
and break this down into sections as to not leave any stone unturned, or
something like that.
First, let’s
tackle how this “complaint” came about.
Reviews exist
for a reason. Sometimes we (authors) don’t agree, but that’s because deep down
we all just want people to see and love our work the same way we do.
Still,
they exist as an unbiased opinion on our work so that others may make an
informed decision before spending their hard-earned money. That’s it. They can
stroke our ego, they can make us feel like shit, but mostly they exist to give
others the information they need before purchasing a product. The same as restaurant
reviews, hair products, hotels, etc. That’s their purpose. And so, with that in
mind, exactly what goes through someone’s head when they personally message an
author to complain about their book? This isn’t productive; it’s not going to
make the author pull their finished product and tweak it to the individual’s
liking. It’s not going to do anything for anyone, except maybe allow the person
complaining to express themselves? But, again, that’s why reviews exist, and
there’s plenty of FB groups for that sort of thing.
I’m not
going to beat around the bush on this. I stand wholeheartedly against a reader
privately messaging an author to complain about their work. If you’re not a
beta reader, and your opinion for the work hasn’t been requested by the author,
then express yourself through reviews. If you hated a meal, would you find the
chef on FB and message them directly? Would you befriend a hair dresser on the
internet just to tell them you hate the bangs they’ve given you? Just like I’ve
called out authors for complaining about reviews by readers, I have to look at
the other side and ask readers to please stop directly sending their complaints
to authors’ personal inboxes. Neither of these things foster anything positive
in our community.
That’s not
to say readers opinions aren’t valued—of course they are, and constructive criticism
is always wanted, but again, that’s why reviews exist. It’s their purpose.
Now let’s
move on to the real topic—the idea of “owing” someone something sexual regardless
of if you enjoy it or not (which exists way beyond the bounds of the LGBT
community and fiction).
As stated in
my previous blog post, I am in an open relationship now, and it came about for
one reason; I don’t top, and my partner wants to bottom.
Would you ever
tell a woman she had to give her husband a blowjob if he enjoyed them and she
hated them? Would you ever tell a man to let his wife shove a butternut squash
up him if that was the only way she could orgasm? Would you ever tell anyone to
do something sexual for their partner, despite how unappealing that idea may be
to them? Would you ever make someone you love do something they dislike,
knowing they’d get nothing out of it?
These characters
are obviously fictional, but the culture of “sexual needs should come before discomfort”
is too fucking real. When we speak about toxicity, sexism, etc, these themes of
“owing” someone sex often come up. You can’t be an advocate for freedom of
expression and love, and then demand people love in a way that suits your
needs. And you don’t get to dictate the “roles” of gay men in the bedroom,
either. And let me be very blunt here; my dick wouldn’t get hard if I knew I was
going to top, it would be an impossibility for me because I find absolutely no
sexual satisfaction from the act whatsoever. Sure, for some gay men “roles” in
the bedroom is merely a preference, but as I’ve stated before, my “bottom-ness”
is a part of my sexuality. It’s ingrained into me, as hardwired as my being gay.
You may as well tell me to stick it in a woman if you’re going to tell me I need
to “top” because both are as equally unappealing to me.
And that’s
the way my author friend described her “Bottom” character, but still this
reader insisted he should’ve topped. She insisted he was being selfish for not
doing so, and with that comment, she made a statement about my life. I am
living the reality of this situation, and there isn’t a single person on the
planet that would get a nice response from me should they tell me I was being “selfish”
for not topping my partner. Despite the fact I dislike it. Despite the fact it’s
not a part of my sexuality.
No one owes
anyone sex. No one should be made to do anything their uncomfortable with for
the sexual satisfaction of someone else. And if you force someone to do those
things? Well, I’m sure you’re aware we have a word for that.
Where To Find Craig and How To Support His Authoring Ways
[ Hey
everyone! So, this is the shamelessly-promote-myself
part of the post where I give out my information. If you like what I have
to say and want to watch me ramble in real-time, you can find my Facebook here:
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