Monday, March 24, 2014
The Power of Fear
We all have something that we are afraid of. Some are phobias like clowns, spiders, heights or water. Some people fear, small places or even leaving their own home. A lot of people shake their heads and roll their eyes... I doubt they live a life of no fear. We all fear something.
Sometimes the darkness, the things that scare us can't be seen. Sometimes it's ourselves we fear. Our pasts have the power to suffocate us, to make the air stale and the breaths we take painful. There isn't a pill to protect ourselves from the ever changing days.
One day everything feels perfect, the sun isn't offensive and a bird's song is inspiring. Other days, with out warning everything hurts, sound irritates, life is your enemy.
This isn't something everyone understand, though I'm sure many will say they do. You can't unless you live in it. You never recover, you learn to survive. You sit in a dim room with your eyes level to the pulse in your wrist and you watch it pumping. Your body will keep you alive, your brain will be your worst enemy or your protector. It can shield you from the thoughts you can't handle. It will help you to survive.
It's so much easier to slip into the nightmares, to let the silky voice of the monsters lull you into a shaky calm. They hum away the fear of something new, they will plant lies in your head that you let become your reality to the point you don't know who you are. You will search and reach for the rope of hope. The hand of a savior. Will you find it? Will they find you? It's not a question that can be answered.
I accept my fear because I've learn to survive through it. I can teach people how to slip through, and that even in the worst days, it isn't the last day.
You don't always find compassion. No one will save you from what has already happened. If you're lucky, you will find people to lean on. They are your rope, they are the hand. Sometimes we push them away. We create lives better then our own in the hopes they will love us more, because no way can they love who we really are. But, it doesn't last. The mask comes off, the sun comes out. You can't hide who you are forever.
When the skies lighten and you open your eyes, you might be surprised to find you aren't alone. That the real you is just as easy to love.