Craig’s 30 things to do before you return to
Cthulhu
Once again,
I find myself at a loss for a specific topic to discuss. Regular readers of my
every-other-week articles will probably know that 50% of what I put out is the
equivalent to literary cheeseburgers from that diner that always gives you
liquid lava hot enough to melt your plumbing, but that you eat anyway because
it tastes good in the moment…
What I’m
saying is—I don’t have shit to talk about, so here’s my list of 30 things to do
before you die. (Also, please leave the number of how many of these things you
have done in the comments section below)
1) Watch the entirety of Buffy the
vampire slayer (bonus points if you then go on to watch metaphorical and
philosophical breakdowns of each episode on youtube—prepare to have your mind
blown)
2) Eat a whole tub of ice cream in a
single sitting
3) Watch one of those tween genre films
that were popular in the mid-late 00s (Twilight, hunger games, etc) and take a
shot of tequila every time a main character awkwardly stutters their way
through a sentence and/or makes eye contact with their mouth open.
4) Try a food you think looks
disgusting so your hatred for that food is justified
5) Stop trying to explain your point of
view to people on the internet if they didn’t ask for it—you’re only adding
fuel to whatever fire you’re trying to put out.
6) Go an entire day without the
internet.
7) Only check facebook 3 times in a day
when you fail number 6.
8) Read a book in a genre you’re not
familiar with, by an author you’re not sure about.
9) Don’t step on the scales for a month
10) Stop waiting for a Monday/specific
date to make changes to your life. Make them now.
11) Go to IMDB’s 100 greatest movies of
all time list and make your way through them
12) Vote
13) Try to fit in 20 minutes of cardio
per day
14) Spread glue on your hands. Peel it
off slowly.
15) Build a fort and have a movie
marathon in that fort.
16) Get a bold piece of décor that
speaks to your interests and proudly display it for all to see. (Still looking
for a statue of a KFC bucket to liven up the living room)
17) Watch all the Harry Potter films
back-to-back
18) Master the grilled cheese
19) Attempt to make a beef wellington
from scratch
20) Be selfish more often. The world
will always have battles to fight, so remember to focus on what you have going
for you now rather than what you want changed for a later time.
21) Explore a sexual fantasy
22) Try a range of new cocktails after
you realize that sexual fantasy doesn’t work in reality.
23) Learn a second language (or at least
attempt it)
24) Type the ingredients you have
on-hand into a “what can I make with” website and choose a meal at random.
25) Eat Poutine
26) Don’t let your mother-in-law get to
you.
27) Eat a full English breakfast for
dinner
28) Visit Tokyo
29) Spend a day pantless/braless.
30) I don’t care where you are or how you do this.
Find the British channel 5 and watch one of their sex documentaries, and
realize that we’re in no way the repressed wallflowers that American television
likes to present us as. (The one I just watched showed a man getting fisted)
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I've done 13, although a few don't apply to me (don't have a mother-in-law or equivalent). Ones I've done: 1,6,7,8,12,14,16,17,18,20,23,25,29
ReplyDeletehmmmm.....not many of those even remotely appeal to me to even try! lol
ReplyDeleteI loved your list. I have done more than I thought.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the list. I started slow, and yeah a number not appealing, but I still ended with 17.
ReplyDeleteInteresting list!!! I'm planning to Visit Tokyo this years. So at least there's one thing from your list I will be doing haha
ReplyDeleteI have done 8, more or less.
ReplyDelete