I have RE Hargrave author of The Divine Trilogy here on my blog today. She's going to talk about a topic that we have ALL heard before: BDSM. However, she's going to talk about BDSM in Literature.
Since she is familiar with this subject, who better right?
She is also doing a giveaway for one reader. You can enter the rafflecopter below and one person will win any of her ebooks gifted to you via Amazon.
Here she is...
I’m excited to be here on Diverse Reader today. My host is such a kind
and honest woman, and has a terrific message to get out there about acceptance. She’s asked me to do a post
about BDSM in today’s literature since I write in that genre. Anyone who has
read The Divine Trilogy knows this is a favorite topic of mine.
It’s no secret that I credit my early writing endeavors to Twilight
fan fiction, as well as my budding interest in the subject of BDSM. Except
that, as time has gone on and I’ve submerged myself into studying, and even
partaking in the lifestyle, I’ve realized my interest goes much further back. I
guess you could say I’ve always had a proclivity for kink.
They do say, “It’s always the quiet ones.” But I digress.
Anyway, I found myself fascinated and reading anything and everything
I could with a BDSM theme, and then researching it further. I can assure you
there are no shortage of fan fiction or original fiction stories in this genre.
Where the differences comes in, is in the accuracy.
Some writers just want to tell a story regardless of whether the supporting information is factual. Their end goal it to get the tale out there and make the ‘facts’ fit the story, rather than the other way around. I guess there’s nothing really wrong with this, it is fiction after all, and the end result should be that the reader was able to escape from reality for a while by getting lost in the story. Then there are the writers who go for accuracy in their storytelling, ensuring that the story supports the reality, and here is where you’ll find your real literary jewels. Both types of writers may be very good at telling a story and drawing a reader in, but I’m partial to knowing the author wasn’t afraid to get dirty, so to speak, and do their homework.
Some writers just want to tell a story regardless of whether the supporting information is factual. Their end goal it to get the tale out there and make the ‘facts’ fit the story, rather than the other way around. I guess there’s nothing really wrong with this, it is fiction after all, and the end result should be that the reader was able to escape from reality for a while by getting lost in the story. Then there are the writers who go for accuracy in their storytelling, ensuring that the story supports the reality, and here is where you’ll find your real literary jewels. Both types of writers may be very good at telling a story and drawing a reader in, but I’m partial to knowing the author wasn’t afraid to get dirty, so to speak, and do their homework.
What happens when the content and subject matter pique the interest of
the reader? What if they want the story to become reality? Or, perhaps the
reader is appalled by what they’ve read, and finds the content too abhorrent to
even conceive of happening. How does the curious reader know what’s ‘real’ and
what’s just crafty embellishment?
Who wants to do ‘homework’ when reading for pleasure? Most people are
going to reply with: “Not I!” So, allow me to enlighten you on a few key
aspects of the BDSM lifestyle in the hopes that the information will settle in
your brain storage. Hopefully, you’ll be able to recognize when you’re reading
a true to life BDSM tale, and one that’s just been pulled out of thin air and
glorified.
Let’s start with what BDSM means. Bondage Discipline Sadism &
Masochism, Domination/submission. Here are a few more lifestyle acronyms for
you:
SSC: Safe, Sane, Consensual
RACK: Risk Aware Consensual
Kink
PRICK: Personal Responsibility, Informed Consensual Kink
A lot of words packed into those little acronyms, aren’t there? Well,
there’s a lot packed into the lifestyle—what is one person’s kink is not always
another’s, and the people that choose to practice BDSM come from all walks of
life. Some are rich, some are poor, and everywhere in between. Some may have
shady or abusive pasts, but in reality, most don’t. The beauty of this
lifestyle is the acceptance for that
diversity. Do you see a main theme? Consensual. In the realms of a true pairing
or grouping of ‘kinksters’, everything
is done with consent, from the Top(s) and the bottom(s).
*Contracts. They do happen.
No, they aren’t legally binding, and they are fluid, i.e. ever-evolving as the
Dominant and submissive evolve in their relationship. What they are, is a
symbol of communication, negotiation, and consent amongst adults to
reach an agreement on expectations from both sides. And clarification of what
will happen if those expectations are not met.
*Scening. Also known as
‘playtime.’ Guess what? Scenes aren’t always sexual, and the lifestyle is not
all about the ‘whips and chains.’ A level of trust has to be established in
order to hand your well-being over to another person, both physically and
mentally. For some, they get what they need out of a D/s relationship just
being able to submit, to relent control over everyday things, to their
Dominant. That letting go is freeing, whether the submissive party is a school
teacher, a doctor, a janitor, or a professional Dominatrix. Domination and
submission comes from inside, it’s who they are, and is not determined by their
station in life.
*Safe words (or safe
signals, in the event that speaking is not possible). A Dom(me) WILL respect
these at ALL times. Depending on the word the submissive uses, the play slows
or stops altogether and the Dominant assesses why—without punishment. At times,
it may even be the Dominant that has to use the safe word because they are not
comfortable doing what their submissive is asking of them or they realize their
sub is too deep in their head to accurately judge anymore. Which leads to the
main reason for all negotiations and expectations to be laid out before a scene
begins. It is not uncommon to get into a scene, and the submissive begins
begging for more, faster, harder … a
responsible Top will not give into these wishes because the submissive’s state
of mind is altered by the natural chemicals being released into their systems.
They may as well be drunk or on drugs and unable to comprehend what they’re
actually asking for.
*Aftercare. Scening can be
intense for all parties involved, but most especially for the submissive(s).
And yes, a scene can involve more than two people … no judgment, just acceptance, remember? Chemical changes
occur in the brain and body when one experiences high levels of pain and/or
pleasure, so a submissive could need anything from massage, minor first aid, or
simply needing to be held and cuddled as they level out. Sometimes aftercare is
needed immediately following a scene, but the emotional aftercare could be
needed hours, or even days, later. Common ways to administer aftercare:
cuddling; soothing, low-volume speaking; shower or bath with the Top; arnica
cream to alleviate bruising; rehydration by drinking water; chocolates to level
endorphins.
*Forms of Address. A ‘real’
Dominant is not going to demand submission from everyone they meet, and most
certainly not on the first encounter. A major red flag for any reader, or
curious person seeking a Dominant is to know that if you’re told to call them
Master or Mistress right out of the gate, you need to keep on going. These are
titles that are reserved for collared submissives or men and woman who are
specialists in a certain area of expertise, such as a Rope Master. Using Sir or
Ma’am is a sign of respect to fellow lifestylers, not an indication of
submission.
*Collaring. In layman’s
terms, view this like marriage vows. Yes, there is usually a material symbol of
the collaring. No, it is not always an actual collar around the neck. Collars
can be necklaces, bracelets, rings, anklets, tattoos … any item that the
involved parties want to symbolize their commitment to each other. In that
vein, please also understand that a collaring doesn’t simply declare
‘ownership.’ When a Dominant collars their submissive(s), they are making a
promise to that person—to protect them, to help them fight their demons if they
have them, to push them to better themselves, to take care of them.
*Gender expectations. This one should be obvious, but because of
some reactions I’ve seen to fellow author’s BDSM works, I’m going to through it
in here. A Dominant can be male or female, and likewise for a submissive. The
desire to dominate or submit comes from within a person. Just like we can’t
help who we love, we can’t force how we find pleasure, comfort, and release. Is
it really so hard to understand how a big strong fireman, who is responsible
for countless number of lives on a daily basis, might need to escape to his knees,
to let someone else take care of him for a change?
I’m going to go ahead and wrap this up. Thank you so much for reading,
I know I’ve given a lot of information but I’ve only scratched the surface. These
are the beginning basics. Please, if your curiosity in the lifestyle truly is
piqued, don’t be afraid to reach out to a local BDSM group or try a site like
FetLife (just proceed with caution and listen to your gut instinct, not
everyone on the site is there with YOUR best intentions in mind). In general
I’ve found that lifestylers really are the friendliest bunch of people I’ve
ever encountered. They’re normal people, just like you, me, and the mailman.
Case in point, I have to give a special thank you to Rae, her Master, and Sir
John for pre-reading this post for me as a cross-check for accuracy.
For quality BDSM reads, check out these sites:
http://bdsmwriterscon.com/nominees (You’ll find my novel Surreal, Book 3 of The
Divine Trilogy, listed here as a 2015 Golden Flogger Nominee. As a bonus, they
are offering a buy one get two free special … if you purchase any of the
nominated books, email BDSM Writers’ Con a copy of your receipt and they’ll
give you two free books from their featured authors!)
About
the Author:
R.E. Hargrave lives on
the outskirts of Dallas, TX where she prides herself on being a domestic
engineer. Married to her high school sweetheart, together they are raising
three children. She is an avid reader, a sometimes quilter, and now, a writer.
Other hobbies include gardening and a love of music. A native 'mutt,' Hargrave
has lived in New Hampshire, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, Alabama, Texas, and
California. She is fond of setting her stories—which range from the sweet to
the paranormal to the erotic—on location in South Carolina and Texas, but it’s
anybody's guess as to what the genre will be!
Social
Media Links
Specific
to The Divine Trilogy:
To
buy SIGNED paperback copies from me directly:
To
join my street team, Divine Darlins, on Facebook:
Current
titles:
Anthologies
Treasured Moments
Novellas
Sugar & Spice
Haunted Raine
Unchained Melody (ebook
only)
The Food Critic
Fire Lust (releasing Feb
27)
Novels
To Serve is Divine (Bk 1
of The Divine Trilogy)
A Divine Life (Bk 2 of
The Divine Trilogy)
Surreal (Bk 3 of The
Divine Trilogy) — 2015 Golden Flogger Award Nominee
I can not thank the talented and wonderful RE Hargrave for being here today and sharing her knowledge with us. This is a topic of much controversy. I have always said knowledge is power and everyone should share what they know.
I'm sure RE has enlightened many of you as she has me. Do make sure you check out her books and as always, review.
Now, as I said earlier there is a giveaway. One lucky fan will have the chance to win an ebook by RE Hargrave gifted via Amazon. Enter below. Contest will run until February 27th. Winner will be contacted via email so make sure you check your spam.
Good luck!
