Friday, April 7, 2017

BLOG POST: Infighting... Again? Really?





I’m gonna say something over the latest “in house fighting” in this community. Because of course, I am. I wonder if there was a pool going on over how long it would take for Meredith to speak up??? I want 20%. I’m not here to start shit but I most likely will. But it’s instances like this that make me want to say, “I’m not here to make friends, I’m here to show you what you’re doing and how it’s affecting the “neutral people.” Here it goes.

(WARNING: I’m so all over the place with my emotions over this that you’ll have to keep up with the twists and turns)

When this genre is fighting together we are a beast. I’m never prouder of this community than in moments like that. When we lock arms and march on together in unity. And then, like 2 beta fish stuck in a bowl, we turn on each other and fight to the death. AGAINST EACH OTHER. And it is moments like those that make me want to pack my bags and bid a fond farewell to this genre. This community is suffocating in its own hypocrisy. YOU ARE LOSING FANS, READERS, AUTHORS, ALLYS, BLOGGERS. Most importantly you’re losing your humanity and it makes me weep!
Fucking Hell! I’m half angry half sad over it all! And I’m quickly reaching the end of my rope with all of it. You can’t tell people how they are supposed to feel! I’m sorry you can’t. You don’t like Mpreg or GFY I’m sorry! But to tell others who do that they are wrong, that’s a shitty thing to do. However, it’s your right to say how it makes YOU feel. But don’t bash others who see it differently.
Apologies. When someone apologizes on social media (which by the way is a horrible way to decipher emotion) you can’t tell them “I don’t feel your apology.” I mean You CAN but it’s shitty to do so.

Understanding. You have to respect that you may say something that will hurt someone and take responsibility for that. Eat crow. Ignore it, and that’s a crappy thing to do. 

I watched in the last 24 hours this community light fires, burn dreams, destroy hearts. I watched readers (((READERS))) say, “I’m out. I’m done with this genre.” Wonder why sales are down? Look around. PEOPLE ARE LEAVING! 

Wake up, people! Have we forgotten how to be adults? Have we forgotten how to talk privately with someone who offends us and try to educate them with kindness and understanding? We read and react. We try to gather soldiers for battle. It’s like a scene out of Braveheart. In it, you may not see but to someone like me who actually is neutral in this “newest” argument it kills me. It makes me second guess a lot of feelings I THOUGHT I had about certain people. 

Did you all know I’m writing a book? Yeah, that’s my big project I’ve been working on. And I’m not sure I want to publish it anymore. I’m not sure I can in this genre. This makes me want to wipe the slate clean and start over and find a haven of acceptance. Why? Because I no longer feel safe that my opinions and my feelings are accepted. HERE. In the LGBT community that so beautifully opened its arms to me 3 years ago. I feel defeated, sad, angry, and listless. 

PLEASE. STOP. If you don’t then all we have worked for. ALL we have built will be for nothing. The foundation will crumble. The structure will fall. And on the ashes of what once was, we will cry, we will regret, and it will be too late.

EDUCATE people don’t bash them. EMBRACE them don’t push them away. Don’t JUST react. THINK! 

Unfriend or unfollow me if you wish. Honestly, I’m so close to shutting it all down it’s not even funny. I’m so exhausted. 

LOVE EACH OTHER… PLEASE!

22 comments:

  1. I've missed all this but don't stop fighting for what you believe in - if you want to write and publish then do it! I too have seen bizarre behavior from members of this community. Passions run high I think because people feel so strongly about EVERY issue. But tolerance and kindness at ALL important. People get bent out of shape so quickly. You're right - we are our own worst enemy!

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    1. Yes!!! Thank you Barbara! You're amazing

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  2. Dearest Meredith, please don't give up on your writing, and please don't give up on 'us'. I would love to tell you that this sort of nonsense doesn't happen outside our genre, but of course that would be a lie. I'm not entirely sure why, but people appear to be getting touchier by the day. Part of the problem is that people forget that posting a status update is not the same as having a conversation with others. Face to face you can get away with saying far more because your facial expression will make it clear how exactly you mean your words to be received. People forget that, both those who type the initial post and those who react to it.

    The one and only thought I've had since I first saw this mess has been: 'with friends like these, who needs enemies'. And that goes for both sides of the 'argument'.

    I do have another thought though. Maybe our community is a bit like family, where it's safe to sometimes act out and misbehave, because (the fast majority) of our 'relations' love us anyway and once the dust settles (almost) everyone will be exactly as they were before. It's a weird construction, but I think it's true; people act out because they feel safe to do so.

    I'm rambling and I'm not sure if I'm making sense but before I stop I just want to add that I hope you realise you are in invaluable member of this community, a bright spark even when the times are darker, and we would be a poorer community without you <3

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  3. Mere. My post probably won't be a popular one, but its my opinion and I'm entitled to it. I agree in part with Helena regarding family. And if there was a private forum where authors could attack other authors without having the fans see it, go there and virtually beat the crap out of each other. I use FB to keep up with fans I adore, people I love and to promote my work. But I stay totally out of the drama, either this weeks, last weeks or next weeks. Does it mean I'm not standing up for my rights or I don't have an opinion? Hell no. But it never ends here. Who cares what people identify as. Live your life, do your show and let everyone else do the same. Not everyone needs to stand up and be counted. I know people in this genre who, over the last eight years, have changed who they identify as and made big deals about it. I'm a gay man and although that's what I am, that's not who I am. I spent my first twenty some odd years living life as a straight man and married to a woman. I didn't introduce myself with "married straight man" after my name. Even now, I don't start off a conversation by introducing myself and adding "Gay Man" behind it. I don't understand the need to identify as anything. Just be who you are. In my opinion, if people just practiced "Live and let live" our world would be a better place. Bravo for speaking up Mere and please don't judge the entire genre by the small percentage who partake in such witch hunts. And don't go. Congrats on your book!

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    1. If I didn't already I do now. I respect the shot out of you, Scotty! I hope to ALWAYS know you you're amazing

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    2. XOXO! You're done wonderful work for our genre and you are appreciated.

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    3. Scotty, I so agree with you.

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    4. I agree with you, Scotty. "Who cares what people identify as. Live your life, do your show and let everyone else do the same."

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  4. Please keep writing, Meredith! And publish the book too!
    I don't know what happened, but please don't give up on all of us!

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  5. You've spoken pretty much every word in my heart right now.
    I wish the offended party had sent a private message and said "Hey, that post that you thought was funny? It hurt my feelings. Could you please take it down?"
    And the original commenter would surely have said "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it that way. Let me take care of it."
    End of story.

    But we're human, and despite the vast majority of us being allies rather than actual participants in the community, it's turned into a mess.
    I read books and think 'all of this drama could have been avoided with a 5 minute conversation...' I'm pretty sure life just became a book.

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  6. Thank you for this.

    I think I understand what you mean about your book. I have a story that has been in my head since middle school that I've wanted to get out there. Every now and then I really feel like I could write it and, being that I have a lot of author and editor friends, I think I could see enough help to do okay with the mechanics. It originally was het, but over time I've felt like it could be better with it being a F/F pairing. I am quite male.

    Seeing something like this happening, I carefully put it back on the high shelf in the back of my head and try to ignore it. Things are hard enough dealing with people outside without it coming from the inside, too. I really feel for all the authors in the LGBT romance community who face this every day.

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    1. I absolutely think you should write it. If it's been in your head that long then it must be clawing to get out. What you do with it after that is up to you. You do need to feel comfortable.

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    2. Absolutely write it. In my opinion, the problem wasn't so much in what was said, it was that opposing viewpoints were disregarded, and even deleted, as if those viewpoints were not worth anything.

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  7. Unfortunately my friend there is always a few minority group of people that are set on causing trouble, and another small group that can only see the world through their narrow eyes and opinions. I would imagine that if you changed genre you will still find infighting. I truely believe that time is too short to waste it on these kind of people. Don't let them win. But don't give them one second of your time either. unfriend and block these people. And continue to do what you love doing, the way you want to do it.

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  8. I guess I am really on the outskirts because I am rarely aware of the infighting (thank goodness). But, I just want to tell you that I love your blog and I really hope you publish your book because I bet it will be a good one.

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  9. Oy. I am usually so out of the loop when it comes to drama, and the only reason I knew about this one was because it involved a dear friend. I hate it all, that's why I mostly just sit in my corner and write. I write to keep my own sanity, and I do so knowing I'll never be able to make everyone happy. I so wish we would stop attacking each other, because every time I'm around my family and how they feel about my writing, I'm reminded why we like-minded people need to stick together. I hope you don't let this discourage you from writing or blogging, but I understand why it could. Thank you for speaking your mind about in-fighting without bringing up the specific issues, because it's not even about that. Good luck with your book!

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