Monday, July 7, 2014

BDSM BLOG HOP



As part of the BDSM Blog Hop I am posting about the value of understanding BDSM. It’s a practice that is widely misunderstood.  There is also a contest to win a $10.00 Amazon gift card at the end of the post! Details below :D


We fear what we do not understand. Throughout history people have fought over the fear of what they were told from people who had no idea.
BDSM is one of those subjects that people tend to either gravitate toward or runaway from. Personally, when I don’t understand it, I research it, practice it, and do whatever it takes to make a sound decision on my feelings regarding it.
When I asked people if they even knew what BDSM stood for I was shocked with how few did. BDSM stands for: “bondage and discipline,” “dominance and submission,” and “sadism and masochism.”
I remember first hearing the term and asking my father what it meant. He told me it was deviant, evil and filled with pain. Naturally, as a girl who worshiped her father I thought nothing but the worst about it.
As I grew up I couldn’t help but to wonder why if it was so horrible, so dangerous it was legal. Why had no one stopped it?
I read books, MANY books about it. I learned a great deal. I learned that the word sadism or sadist in the BDSM acronym came from a Frenchman named Marquis de Sade, a philosopher and aristocrat who was ahead of his time. The Catholic Church found his philosophical discourse around sexuality and his erotic writing to be blasphemous and had him imprisoned for 32 years of his life in an insane asylum. Imagine that?  That was of course back in the 18th century.
Now? It’s different. Though seen in many eyes as an excuse to inflict pain on others for no other reason but for the person doing it. When you dig deeper, when you actually research and learn and listen, it’s so much not that at all!
BDSM isn’t racist. There is no prejudice in the craft. Straight, gay, black, white. Man and man, woman and woman, man and woman. Add a third, maybe a fourth. In the eyes of BDSM EVERYONE wears a blindfold to gender, race and orientation.
The argument that BDSM is dangerous is a valid one. However, anything can be dangerous. Any sexual kink or whatnot can be dangerous if it’s not respected or understood. The slogan safe, sane, and consensual (SSC) came from the BDSM community. Another term used within the BDSM community is RACK: Risk Awareness Consensual Kink. These are terms taken extremely seriously in the BDSM world.
You might walk around a mall one day and see a guy in leather pants, a long beard, and tattoos and immediately assume he’s into the BDSM lifestyle. He might be, and he might not. Most people in the lifestyle actually lead very normal everyday lives. Doctors, Lawyers, Authors even teachers. They aren’t predators. No one is seeking you out to tie you to a Saint Andrew’s cross and flog you into submission.
Finding your match (D/s) is no different than finding your mate. You need to mesh, you need to work. In BDSM the number one thing… what needs to be achieved before anything else is trust. Without trust there is no link to connect.
BDSM is about pleasure. Levels of it. No one is the same. Where one likes a lighter side to it such as bondage, some blindfolds maybe spankings. Others seek a rougher kind of play with a flogger, a cane or whips.
Does this make people who practice this bad? No, it’s makes them confident. Within the community you are accepted. You know what you want and you can find who it is that will give it to you. TRUST!
D/s is a relationship of respect, trust, pleasure and discipline.
It may not be for you but you aren’t going to get drafted into the lifestyle. But understand it. It deserves respect and if you are not someone who is into that. It’s okay. And if you’re someone who is, that’s okay too!

I am so happy to be a part of this Blog Hop and by clicking on the badge/link you can see ALL the blogs participating in this Hop. Great contests, wonderful insights and even some fantastic reading material by BDSM authors! So be sure to click on the badge J

To enter for a chance to win a $10.00 Amazon gift card simply post a comment below and at the end of the Hop our gracious host will randomly select a winner. Good luck all! 

26 comments:

  1. Wonderful post. It so often appears to be a case between love it or hate it when it comes to BDSM, it is refreshing to read a post taking the myth out and replacing it with fact. We all have our individual quirks when it comes to relationships and sex and we're all entitled to them. As long as we don't harm the one we're with, as long as it is based on love and trust, there is no wrong way of being with somebody else.

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    1. love and trust. Exactly. I am glad you liked this post thank you, Helena

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  2. Great post! I have read many BDSM books, and the authors I gravitate towards ALWAYS explain and emphasize SSC. It can be a very beautiful connection and/or loVe between 2or more people. It can also be very dangerous, as you explain, if you do not respect and understand. Thank you for the giveaway, as well. :)

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    1. Reading BDSM books was my first introduction to the world. I actually stumbled on it by accident and realized it isn't the work of the devil or whatever people said. Thank you , Tootsie

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  3. Excellent post. I am a sub, well I am still learning in many ways. My quick Irish temper gets me in trouble at times. I was married before and didn't have the same love and trust I have with my master now. To me the bond is much more tighter.
    kittyissweet@gmail.com

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    1. I think in a D/s relationship you're always learning and that's fabulous. I have the Irish and Italian in me so I understand the temper lol. Thank you, Kitty

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  4. Awesome post! Personally, I don't see myself in that kind of relationship but one never knows until faced with that choice. So many people don't understand the dynamics of a BDSM lifestyle. So many think it's about the dom "commanding" the sub but the truth is a true BDSM relationship the sub often has the true power because a true dom is always concerned about the sub's pleasure & safety. A complete full circle of trust.

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    1. At least you're open minded. Too many people can't even put themselves in the mindset that others enjoy the lifestyle. And of course you're right about trust. Thanks, Heather

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  5. Thanks for the great post! I love reading about BDSM in fiction books, but there's something about hearing about it from people actually in the lifestyle or who have researched it well that is even more fascinating to me. I think this blog hop was a brilliant idea, and I can't wait to read and learn more.

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    1. Some of the best books I've ever read happen to be BDSM based. I am so glad this Blog Hop landed on my doorstep and it's awesome to see what everyone has to say about it! Thanks, Jen

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  6. As there's MANY LEVELS to BDSM, there's many different people who like it or live it........I don't judge them as long as it's done with all parties in agreement and ALL RULES FOLLOWED................
    This just isn't the life for me or the types of books I read...........I have some Author Friends who write it and I'll Pimp the Hell out of their books as there's somebody Out there who needs a safe place to figure out if they might like it, or somebody who just needs to escape in their own mind..............So, No Judgement here.

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    1. Yes, respect for it and consensual. I totally agree. I love how you recognize your own limits and thrive in the life you're in because that's you. Thank you, Kristina

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  7. Awesome and thoughtful post, your comment that "D/s is a relationship of respect, trust, pleasure and discipline" resonates.

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  8. This is an excellent post. My father would say the same thing yours did, if mine knew what BDSM was. I grew up sheltered from reality, and it was rather shocking to discover that everyone was not just like me. I've been interested in BDSM for a few years now, I've been researching it, but finding reputable online resources is difficult as I can't find any real life resources where I live. So spreading awareness is vital. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. I was pretty sheltered too. I feel I really started living when I was on my own. Thanks, Jade :)

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  9. It's been such an enlightening tour so far!

    vitajex(at)aol(Dot)com

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  10. great post! please count me in

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  11. Great post. There are so many preconceived notions and misconceptions about this lifestyle. Hopefully more people will read the truth!

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  12. I especially love your line that no one is drafted into the lifestyle :) great article

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  13. Wonderful post! I've learned a lot following the hop.
    sstrode at scrtc dot com

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  14. Great post on terms and on finding someone to TRUST
    Without Trust in your partner and discussions with each other before and after a scene neither partner learns about the other.

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  15. THANKS ALL!!!! I will be notifying the gift card winner today! :D

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